July 26, 2012 Thur 0230
i'm gettin bored back in my home town.... whatever i want and planned to be happened, all spoiled. things getting out of hand. sad-that's for sure.. errmmm... heart broken-indeed.. and bored...
am i born to be alone and to be failure in loves...perhaps hopeless romantice..!???
am i!!?????
p/s:
totally not in the mood...
its Thursday, July 19 2012....
its been almost 48hours HE keep in silent... what's this mean.. aawww!! i'm so missed him so much... everything happened in short time.
allow me to bring you my dearest readers back to where me and HIM get started...
actually... a little long time ago, i found HIM in one of abnormal social network (which the name of that network i refuse to write it down). we chat and we exchange FB's. later then, i make the 1st moved to meet him up.. but HE kinda refused and put up an excuses. well then.. i back off for a moment just for the sake of giving HIM more space and on top of it to respect HIS decision's
until one fine day.. i go back to that social network again just for browsing and trying to get any person that i can talk with. in sudden i saw HIM and i give it a shot.. expect from the unexpected.. we chat and chat until i made my move to meet HIM for the second time. i trust my guts 'this time i wont let it go off again from me'. everything is unexpected.. i'm coming back to my hometown due to something at the sametime, HE agree to meet up.. wow!! i feels so wonderful at that time and deep inside my heart were saying 'he is the one'.
so.. we meet up.. we talk and had a bite. seems like everything fine and happened perfectly... until there is a moments when we're together, HE talk about HIS past relationships. quite a sad story and very touched specially the moments HE and HIS 3rd lover.. aawwww...
but somewhere in the middle.. HE said, HE still love HIS 3rd lover and wish on one fine day HIS 3rd lover will coming back to HIM. my heart was... i don't know what and how to describe but.. ermmm... (you how does it feel.. i bet you know..) but it never stop me to approach and to try harder to win HIS heart and HIS love as well. referring to his story the chances of HIS 3rd lover to coming back to HIM and my chances to win is 50-50..
so i step further more to win this War of Love. which i propose to HIM with The Ring of The Year. i made him shocked and silent from the proposal place untill we reach at HIS house. in my head were saying.. "am i doing the right move..?" then my guts telling me "it is what it meant to be and so be it. because i've done my part and move on". i felt guilty because in the second thought i might propose to HIM at the wrong time but i've no others choices-before its too late and i'm gonna regret for my whole life and no way! for that.
well ever since that day, i continue my daily live.. until one day we out for light dinner and HE borrow my gadget to keep on update HIS fb's. then.. HE scream with happy face saying HIS 3rd lover accept HIS friend request but HE worry if HIS 3rd lover might invisible in that fb's relationship as what HIS 3rd done before.
i felt so painfull. its killing me. feels so very sad but i never show to HIM. awhman...!! i dont know now... kinda blank or hanging somewhere of unknown place.. and the worst part is.. its been almost 48 hours HE didn't text me either via sms nor fb's inbox msg.
i am so scared now..
scared to loose HIM. scared to be alone again.. i feels like to text HIM but... i dont know...
in the proposal i said;
"i know you its hard for you at this moments but listen to me carefully.. if it's true he that you love and you want to get back to him, go for it. i will support you from your back but if the otherway round, you know what to do. i will wait for you. always. no matter what. i want you to be happy and i want you to move on. dont just sitting there with doing nothing hopping for miracle to brighten your day. move on sayang. i really love you even it took my breath away, i will love you and i never stop loving you."
then HE give the ring back to me and keep it in silent with HIS very sad face...
i am so lost of my track now. hanging somewhere in the middle of no where and dont know what to do in the dark. i cant think anything else. i cant move my body.
"it's happening again am i right..?"
seeking for my silver lining now.. its must be somewhere around... it must be!!
if you reading this..
i just want to tell you that i really love you and i never stop loving you. i do. and i really do even it took my breath away i will never stop loving.
I LOVE YOU *A**H** IS**IL..!!
I LOVE YOU..!
readers..
.. somes people out there whom may or may not knowing me well and whatsoever have said,
"he is the strongest person that i ever met and or i ever known in my whole life. although he is skinny but his spirit, his heart are strongest than you ever imagine. and although he made peoples around him smiling and laughing like a mad man, inside him self, he is crying and screaming like a baby thirstying milk. he sacrifying his live, his precious sentimental value and even everything that he had just for the sake of peoples around him to be happy that they ever imagine. gambling his live and with God will's is part of his most favourite game. no one see his tears. no one hear his screaming nor his crying as well. no one ever notice he in the 'black' face or perhaps in down-mood situation. he always fooling around, smilling, make fun with peoples and entertained them with full of love from the very bottom of his heart."
that is what peoples said. as myself... i can only smile. no words nor phrases may describes my feelings towards all these peoples around me. i always put myself last in every situation i'm facing through. i didn't want anything in good return not even a respect nor a very tiny-minie compliments and or small tolken from them. but i do hope they all will be happy and smilling always in their daily life. forget me, if you please. smile but not cry for my disappearence of my existance. as i'm walking straight without turning back myself and catch my breath.
here i am in the early wednesday morning updating my silly Life Interpretation..
LOVE! its so wonderful and beautiful but with LOVE also humans suffered and no doubt if found dying in suicide.
may be i am so right about myself "hopeless romantice" because in everytime i met and trying damn hard to fight for my love, its end up the other way round as i expected. failure and more failure.. i never win in my own war of love.
am i so weak to fight for it..? or it because of PLU's love never end up as what we expect it to be..? or perhaps because i am hopless romantice and put too much hope on it..?
if you (who not to be named) read this statement...
i just want to let you know.. i do love you from the very bottom of my heart. i do and i really do. i never stop loving you even it took my breath away, i will never stop loving you.. never..
this is my 2nd time i'm so down untill i cry because of love. its hurting so badly but, if true the happiness that can be found from him, go for it. i will support you from your back. but if the otherway round, i always here waiting for you. i always here.. and always waiting for you no matter what you are.. i accept you as what you are..
i love you..
