"Sneak Preview"

my past life history...

just a sneak preview....

"kekadang biler org yg paleng kiter sayang da tglkn kiter wat slamernyer.. idop ni jd sunyi SEPI... umpama sampan yg xberdayung, ditiop angin ke hulu dan mungkin ke hilir di lautan terbentang luas... kat maner kiter nk ngadu penat kiter, marah kiter, bermanjer dan mungkin dimanjer kan.. berseronok, menangis.. bersuke ria... adakah teman baru dan atau teman yg sedia ada dpt memahami diri kiter?? dapat tahan dengan kerenah kiter?? dan yg paleng terpenting skali.. adakah mereka tu smua (teman baru/yg sedia ada) senantiasa bersama dgn kiter pabila kiter memerlukan mereka....?"

shard da penat...

da penat kesunyian..

kesepian...

keseorangan...

da terlalu penat sesgt....

tangis n tawe shard xkan ader sesape yg tawu...

luaran saja org nmpk shard nie "giler", hepi... senantiase tersenyum riang...

hakikatnyer....

hanya diri ini n org yg tlah tiada saje yg tawu.....

seperti yang dijanji kan oleh diri shard sndrik dated Oct 3rd 2011...

actually...

every year on Oct 4th - Oct 7th/8th shard akan kuar johor xkira kemana... jnji shard akan berjauhan utk sementara waktu daripada kengkawan yg rapat, agakk rapat, kengkwn yg biaser2 jek.. or who ever noe me....

the reason is because...

in every of my birthday eve, on birthday and after the day...

there is sumthing bad wil happen to me and to any of my frens yg ader bersama shard ketika itu.. they will get the tempiasnyer...

INI BUKAN 1 REKAAN.. tp bnde ni da terjadi...

and biaser nyer shard xakan beri tawu sesape pn even my own fmly kemana shard g on that dat particular day...

shard cume ckp shard on holiday... that's all..

my handphone, email or any social network, i will shut it down..

in another words should i claim.. MIA for a moment.

but this year quite different from previous2 yr...

 

fyi,

every year it will 3 bad things happen to me... but this year.. only 2 bad things.. the final one not yet...

i'm expecting sumting bazaar will happen...

i trust my guts..

and it's telling me.. it's close but not too close enough...

shard da ader reser...

shard xbley tdo semalam.. tetiber raser awkward.. tetiber ilang focus... feelin down in sudden without any reason..

before this it happen to me and it end up right after 4days of my birthday whereby i've lost my very big precious in my life..

this year da more than 3days.. i'm kinda scared which i might or will loosing for more worst and superb bazaar in my life...

i wonder....

all this happen and start on my childhood year.. i was 7years old dat time.. very young.. very energetic... very healthy..

FIRST

my fmly n i live in soe place called "Jeng Qui" a medium cost kinda apartment with 2 storey. 3rooms and only 1 room my fmly rent it out to out sider.. there is a "Mamat Bujang" named Abg Haris. he all alone in that room. til 1 fine day.. maser all my family xder kat uma only left me n my elder sister. she sleeping her room that time...

so, abg haris nie called me and offered me to read some books in his rooms. i luv reading... luv it so much til now i still luv reading books..

so..

shard pon masok dlm bilik dia and as he said.. reading books..

i dun noe what kind of book that i read dat time...

while i'm reading.. abg haris tros tanggalkan sua pendek shard.. maser tu he asked me to sit on the chair yg ada dlm bilik tu...

shard memang tak prasaan before i came into his room whereby he half-naked..

once he pull off my pants, dia tros menggesekkan kemaluan dia di kelengkang shard....

shard xraser malu atas yg berlaku pada shard which i told u dis...

u ask for it.. and i already promise to u.. i will tell u everything.. here we goes...

what will happen after dat... shard da xingat..

what i did remember.. abg haris did gave me rm20 sen (time tu RM20sen besar sgt mcm rm5 as for now)

while he said "abg jgn kasi tawu sesape taw.. ingat k..!!"

i was 7YEARS OLD!!

what do u aspect..??

that time happen exactly on my birthday..

Oct 6th...

now shard da ber umor 32years...

SECOND

i was 13 years old..

at our new house in Taman Perling - Kg Teluk Serdang Pinggir.

My dad buta huruf, xtawu membaca and he werk in Pasar as tukang sembelih ayam... there is a moment.. the day before my birthday (Oct 5th)

my mom wanted to do some small celebration on my birthday.. she cooked me nasi ayam cos i luv ayam goreng crazily..

so my dad pun tangkap ayam peliharaan kami.. and sembelih it... he need and assistant to sembelih dat ayam...

shard anak yg ke 2 dlm 3 adeq bradeq time tu...

so he ask me to hold some parts of that chicken while he wanted to sembelih it... i'm too scared wif blood.. so..

mase pisau tu da sampi kat leher ayam tu.. shard tutop mater and ntah cam maner ayam tu struggling and shard teraser gesek kan pisau tu teraser sesgt kat leher ayam tu and tangn shard terlepas drpd holding that particular part.. to so ayam tu struggling on the ground wif pancutan darah yang mcm paip air pecah... til muker shard terkne percikan darah ayam tu..

shard tergamam n tros lari masok dlm uma..

mak shard terperanjat and ask me what's wrong..

shard xckp paper tros mandi and pas mndi shard tros masok dlm bilik...

time tu shard terdengar..

ayah berbual dgn mak.. and there is phrase yg shard tak kan luper sampi mati..

he said "hem!! ade anak lelaki pon xbley harap..."

what do u feels if u hear that phrase from ur dat o mom???

7days shard xmkn.. shard bebtol traser ati...

mak pujok shard.. but ati shard keras.. ati shard tegeng.. ego shard tinggi...

till arwah atok shard yg pujok shard.. arwah tok stay in spore.. riter after mak bgtau arwah tok bout what happen.. arwah tok tros dtg jb n pujok shard...

dekat 2 minggu arwah tok stay in jb..

dats y law sesape yg maki or kutok sumting bout my dad.. shard tak traser langsong.. but not my Arwah atok.. shard akan ngamok giler...

THIRD..

after 3days of my birthday..

shard hilang org yg paleng shard sayang..

Arwah atok meninggal...

7days before.. arwah nenek meninggal riter after 3 days ,

arwah atok meninggal..

shard kat pejabat..

maser tu shard keje kat Kilang Flextronics Industry (M) Sdn. Bhd. at Tampoi Industrial Estate as HR & Admin Assistant..

shard kene OT mlm tu..

arwah nenek meninggal pon dpt cuti 1 ari jek...

mase tu la shard raser exactly as what i felt rite now..

feelin so down in sudden..

so lonely...

sunyi sepi sgt2...

kwn2 plak tu smuanyer bz dgn hidup masing2...

shard xsalah kan kwn2 shard...

they all pon ade life dorg sndrik..

cumer time tu traser sesgt mcm xder sesape kat dunia nie...

sunddenly, abg sdarer shard call all the from spore..

telling me arwah atok da meninggal atas sejadah after solat maghrib with my abg sdarer...

sori..

shard ter lalu pilu n sedey segt nk tros kan citer nie..

i'm crying while typing...

terlalu banyak sgt kenangan shard dgn arwah atok..

terlalu bnyk sgt..

shard xbley nk tros kan...