A Little Tribute to...

Just a little tribute to Shard...
he is leaving for good.. for every one good sake..
may God had mercy on his soul..
amin..

"Mendong ditika Mentari Menyinar"

"beep!!" "beep!!"
incoming message...

it was My I..

OMG!!
biler aku bacer jek msg My I, tetiber traser tersentak.. gamam.. terkejut..
tros terhenti on what i am doing dat moment..

"shard sowi ek, owg kene gak tros terang... owg raser owg x leh syg shard sepenuhnya..."

tu la txt My I to me...
mau xsewel aku dibuatnyer...
it was 16:51 dated Oct 27th 2011..

i never forget dat.. never in my life..
den.. aku tros call My I, but none of my call been answered..
sedey.. sebak termat sgt.. pilu.. pedey umpama bisa menusuk jao ke dlm ati yg msh lg terluker..
so..
we just berbalas msg yg panjng berjela..
aku cuber fight for my true luv..
but.. aku goyah.. rebah didlm perjuangan cinta sndrik..
tewas dgn kesilpn yg tlah aku lakukan sndrik...
nyesal yg teramat sgt.. tp nk wat camne kn.. smua bender da pn berlaku..
kini aku mesti kuat kan smgt utk tempohi sgalanyer...

ntah smpi biler.. aku pn xtawu n xder jwpn nyer...

titisan demi titisan air mater berterusan..tnpa henti..
stiap grak gri ku.. dia snantiasa terbyg di dpn mater nie...
slerer mkn berkurangan... tdo ku smakin kurang..
kshtn smakin xterjg... asek memikirkan kesilapan yg tlah aku lakukan..
which i'll never forgive myself...

kekesalan yg susah nk dimaafkan n nk diluper kan...

inilah cinta yg paleng ikhlas.. paleng mendlm after how many years i left behind my back...

22:15
dated Oct 28

My I txt me again..
"syp jek?"

sdg dudok ditepian pantai.. cuber menenangkan jiwa yg tgh huru hara..
biler dpt msg dari My I... ati ni smakin sebak.. smakin pilu..
i call My I..
we speak say about more than 1/2 an hour while i'm driving...
aku menangis biler mendgr suarer nyer...
terlalu merindui nye..
terlalu menyanyangi nyer...
respect to My I even we're like this.. but My I still concern bout my..
health.. pemakanan.. my smoking habit..
n My I dun want me to be sad n cry because of My I..

i'm too sad bcause of myself.. too stupid of what i've done..
because of me, My I become noty and found somebody else..
and now this is it.. here i am... feelin guilty every inch i step fwd..
hopping for miracle in this situations...

am i gonna be strong enough to face through all this after all what i've done..?

"True Luv is Very Painfull but so beautiful if the reflections is what as we expected to be.."

Jiwa Kacau..!!

bler da keseorgn ni kn... mcm2 di pk kn... life before n current.. smpi xsedar air mater ni meley plak..

sememang nyer bln Oct taun ni adlh bln yg teramat susa n lmbt utk diihabiskn... mcm2 belaku dlm smgu ni...

kisa suke-duke, pahet-manis, cinta dan mencitai, kekesalan pn ade... ehh!! mcm2 la... rase cam nk give-up pn ade... nsb ade kwn2 yg sudi mlayan... thks ea... u noe who u ar kn... xyah sbot name la..

walau pape pn kpd yg menyangi diri ini... tqvm ea walaupon dpt 1/2 ksh syg otepkse kongsikn... timer kseh jek la kn...

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Kemurungan Kesepian...

after all had happen... here i am.. kemurungan dan kesepian ditinggal pergi oleh orang-orang yang teramat tersayang dan tersangat bermakna lagi terpenting dalam hidup ini.. ntah la.. sampai bila nk jadi cam ni kan...

bilakah sgalanya akn berakhir..?

last 2days ago i spent bout rm3k for release out my tension.. last nite i spent bout rm1.8k mayb.. but last nite xmabok pon... jus had barcardi wif coke tu jek.. had dance wif unknown boys, plu n sum bitch..

in the end reach home by 7++ am.

while lay down on my bed, tetibe kesunyian, kesepian.. n kerinduan ksh dan syg serta senda gurau dr org-org yg tlah pergi...

i missed my life.. my old life...
always heppy.. make pep's laughing.. smilling all the time...
but now, everything change..

i were thinking to move out from Msia... bug now.. stil consider it... ramai yg mahu kn diri ini tros menetap di Msia.. tp diri ini akn tros t'sekse skiranya diri ini tros b'legar2 di Tanah Malaya.. tp if i'm movin out.. smua org yg knali diri ini kehilangan Shard The Freaking Boyzs The Very Last Species...

Should i claims...
i want my life back...
All alone but happy all the time..
the question is.. can i get it back..?

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a BIG lost!!

what a long day... that's all i can say by the end of the day...

today, Oct 20th is my "R" birthday.. everything well planned by myself and not forgetting with collaboration with my "R" house mate a.k.a buddy for my "R" birthday surprise..

and it goes well...

i purposely taking unpaid leave for 2days and lying to my mom n family whereby i'm gone off to KL today because of my part-time job but actually to celebrate my "R" birthday.. so from JB departing at 1500 and arrival by 2000 dated Oct 19th. Once safely arrival at TBS my "W" already wait for me. We had dinner by sitting on the floor at the corridor behind the escalator while chit-chatting to get to know each other... at the same time we both re-planned back everything.. and it goes well too..

as 2230

we took cab straight away to my "R" house and let it happen...

I stay at the staircase for a moment while waiting for my "W"  signal the perfect time to enter the house with my "R" Chocolate Birthday cake... 

...here we goes...

i'm walking slowly towards his room with the cake and single candle.. at the same time my "R" walking out from his room and shock that i'm standing in front of his door with his birthday cake..

bla.. bla.. bla..

he make his wish and cut the cake...

on that particular time, I'm charging my android cause it totally flat. in few minutes, there is an outstation call from Singapore - my Pak Su call me..

my "R" n my "W" on that time on the phone then they saw me talking on the phone.. later they both move into my "R" room for giving a privacy space to me...

it's a very bad news from my Pak Su..

my Papa Aiesh past away bout an hour after I reach at my "R" house.. Papa Aiesh fall down after completing his praying. That's all I know from my Pak Su. I cried badly in the toilet... shocking... sad... and blank don't know what to do..

at first both of them didn't notice the missing of me... after few minute they start realizing and they keep up calling my name few time... I took a little time to catch my breath...

the precious moment turns into a tragic...

I'm spoiling everything.. damn me.. 

everything going very well... in the end.. it end up with unforgettable tragic of the very bad luck / curse of my birthday... now only i realize... i do broke my promise to myself whereby.. I should not tell any one where i go  from in between of my birthday till the curse gone..

my guts telling me something not right somewhere... but i was thinking about my "R"... then again my guts telling me "something not right.. something bazaar" i keep thinking over and over again... what is it.. there is no clue.. no sign of it... in the end...

well...
here I am... feeling very sad.. n can't hardly wait on the next morning...
as right now... I watching my "R" n my "W" sleeping on their bed...

both of them look so cute like a baby boy sleeping...

I'm lonely now..
feeling very empty...
very sad...

now I'm totally lost all the most important person in my life...
I lost everything...
EVERYTHING!!

p/s
how am i  gonna face through every incoming obstacle in life after this...?
can I survive out there..??

Greeting..

Here I am..

The human expression begin here after a very long time waiting for it..

at last.. I manage to create my blog called The Human Expressions..

it still under progress of updating and upgrading.. then again the time constrains is matters..

should coming back here again to keep on updating from time to time..

"tata!!"