a BIG lost!!

what a long day... that's all i can say by the end of the day...

today, Oct 20th is my "R" birthday.. everything well planned by myself and not forgetting with collaboration with my "R" house mate a.k.a buddy for my "R" birthday surprise..

and it goes well...

i purposely taking unpaid leave for 2days and lying to my mom n family whereby i'm gone off to KL today because of my part-time job but actually to celebrate my "R" birthday.. so from JB departing at 1500 and arrival by 2000 dated Oct 19th. Once safely arrival at TBS my "W" already wait for me. We had dinner by sitting on the floor at the corridor behind the escalator while chit-chatting to get to know each other... at the same time we both re-planned back everything.. and it goes well too..

as 2230

we took cab straight away to my "R" house and let it happen...

I stay at the staircase for a moment while waiting for my "W"  signal the perfect time to enter the house with my "R" Chocolate Birthday cake... 

...here we goes...

i'm walking slowly towards his room with the cake and single candle.. at the same time my "R" walking out from his room and shock that i'm standing in front of his door with his birthday cake..

bla.. bla.. bla..

he make his wish and cut the cake...

on that particular time, I'm charging my android cause it totally flat. in few minutes, there is an outstation call from Singapore - my Pak Su call me..

my "R" n my "W" on that time on the phone then they saw me talking on the phone.. later they both move into my "R" room for giving a privacy space to me...

it's a very bad news from my Pak Su..

my Papa Aiesh past away bout an hour after I reach at my "R" house.. Papa Aiesh fall down after completing his praying. That's all I know from my Pak Su. I cried badly in the toilet... shocking... sad... and blank don't know what to do..

at first both of them didn't notice the missing of me... after few minute they start realizing and they keep up calling my name few time... I took a little time to catch my breath...

the precious moment turns into a tragic...

I'm spoiling everything.. damn me.. 

everything going very well... in the end.. it end up with unforgettable tragic of the very bad luck / curse of my birthday... now only i realize... i do broke my promise to myself whereby.. I should not tell any one where i go  from in between of my birthday till the curse gone..

my guts telling me something not right somewhere... but i was thinking about my "R"... then again my guts telling me "something not right.. something bazaar" i keep thinking over and over again... what is it.. there is no clue.. no sign of it... in the end...

well...
here I am... feeling very sad.. n can't hardly wait on the next morning...
as right now... I watching my "R" n my "W" sleeping on their bed...

both of them look so cute like a baby boy sleeping...

I'm lonely now..
feeling very empty...
very sad...

now I'm totally lost all the most important person in my life...
I lost everything...
EVERYTHING!!

p/s
how am i  gonna face through every incoming obstacle in life after this...?
can I survive out there..??